My Alzheimer's Journey

Part 58 - Christmas Thoughts

Merry Christmas Everyone.

Christmas is a joyous and fun day for innumerable people around the world. Both young and old love the anticipation of the gifts Santa will bring. Family and friend gatherings are often full of time honored traditions. Christmas decorations, whether minimal or massive, provide happiness for both the people doing the decorating and for those looking at the twinkling lights, anatomic characters, and fake snow.

For some people, Christmas is a difficult, dark, and sad time. These feelings can be caused by loneliness, situational sadness, illness, holiday blues, or chronic depression. There is a myth that suicide rates increase during the Christmas holiday. The reality is that suicide occurrences are at their lowest on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day.

Over the years, my Christmas experiences have swung wildly from exuberant happiness to dark depression. I suspect many people would say the same thing. Christmas can be stressful, lonely, joyous, happy, and magical. I think the reasons for this wide range of emotions are dependent on individual situations or circumstances

As a child, I loved Christmas. My parents always made Christmas morning super special. I had three siblings and as a group we were always so excited to go into the family room to see what Santa brought us. Mother always cooked a noteworthy breakfast for everyone to enjoy.

One of my best Christmas memories was when Santa brought me a pet cow. Her name was Cleopatra, or Cleo. We lived on a hobby farm and I wanted a cow so bad. I guess I had been a good boy that year.

As I grew older, Christmas naturally changed. It was still fun and exciting, but in different ways than when I anticipated the gifts I would receive. I have a special memory from my early twenties. I worked at the South Carolina School for the Deaf and the Blind in the media production center. One of my colleagues was legally blind (yet, he was a talented audio engineer). Clifford’s wife, Cindy, was also blind. They often talked about how much they loved Christmas. I took them to McAdenville, North Carolina to see the Christmas lights one year. As I drove through the town, I would describe the decorations - colors, characters, movement, etc. It was a truly magical time for Cindy and Clifford. For me, it offered a new perspective on the true meaning of Christmas.

Not having children made Christmas different (and maybe less joyous) for me than most of my friends and business associates. There were years that my depression crippled me. And, there were several years when I volunteered at homeless shelters as a way to give my Christmas a purpose. Those were very rewarding experiences.

As the years rolled by, Christmas changed for my family. It seemed like my siblings and I grew apart, or we were just busy with our own lives. Yet, certain traditions held firm. Christmas was always filled with love, no matter our circumstances.

My parents loved to decorate for Christmas, especially when they were older. There would be several trees inside the house and lots of decorations outside the house. After my mother died, Dad went absolutely crazy decorating for Christmas. It made him so happy.

I believe Dad used Christmas decorating as a coping mechanism to overcome sadness. He missed my mother and my oldest sister so much. During the holidays, Dad remembered the many wonderful Christmas mornings we had as a family. When his wife and his oldest daughter passed away, the darkness was overwhelming. Yet, he continued the tradition of Christmas decorating. I think he did it to honor my mother and my oldest sister. Until his death in 2021, Dad kept decorating for Christmas; albeit on a smaller scale.

Today, there are numerous people in similar situations as my family experienced. There are countless people who live alone and lack friends and family. Many families are estranged for a myriad of reasons. Of course, untold elderly people live alone. And, let’s not forget the homeless.

I believe that as a society, we should explore ways to make Christmas a special time for those that are alone. This can be as simple as taking a meal to someone that you know is alone. Even a phone call to a lonely person can brighten their Christmas. Why not make helping those in difficult situations a part of your Christmas tradition?

I am certain everyone will benefit if we share human decency, friendship, and love. Even if you have opposing ideological beliefs with someone who is alone at Christmas, they are a human being - no better and no worse than you. I hope I live long enough to see American society return to a place of tolerance, peace, and love.

When that happens, I know there will be fewer sad and lonely people at Christmas.

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