My Alzheimer's Journey
Part 34 - Frustration and Communication
Check out my MRI scan from a few days ago. No swelling and no bleeding!
As my Alzheimer’s symptoms progress, I find myself getting frustrated and agitated frequently. Most of the frustration is with myself. I get frustrated with mistakes I make, less than perfect communications with others, and my inability to do certain tasks.
Throughout my career, I made important decisions for companies I owned, companies I worked for, companies that were clients, and non-profit organizations that I served on their Board of Directors. Of course, numerous personal and family decisions were also made throughout my life. While all of my decisions were not perfect or correct, I had the confidence that after considering the relevant facts and considering the opinions of other stakeholders, that my decision was the best I could make.
That is not the case today. In recent months and weeks, my confidence to make good decisions has been shaken. I continue to believe that I am capable of making good decisions. But, it takes longer for me to research the issue, gather others opinions, and eventually articulate my decision.
Twenty years ago, I often made high dollar creative and logistical decisions for clients quickly. For example, in the early 2000’s I had a video crew stranded in Miami during a tropical storm. The crew had to be in the Bahamas the next morning to document an important meeting that my company was producing. There were no commercial flights available. My staff located a private plane with a daring pilot that for a substantial amount of money would make the trip. The pilot was pushing me to make a quick decision because the weather was worsening. I did not want to wake my client up for approval, so I made the decision to rent the plane and hire the pilot. It was the right decision and my client thanked me later. There is no way I would make that decision today - not because I can’t make that decision; but, because I lack the confidence to do it.
Today, I have trusted business associates, friends, and Linda to help me make the big decisions. It is frustrating that my Alzheimer’s disease has taken something away that I used to excel at.
Adding to my decision-making frustration, is learning and accepting new ways to communicate. Not just how I communicate; but, how others communicate with me.
Here are a few things I have learned in the past few months:
Write everything down.
Don’t ever trust my memory.
I know when I make a mistake. Please don’t remind me.
Be patient with me.
When I get agitated, give me time and space to deal with the issue.
Be kind to everyone who helps me.
Accept that I am going to do some stupid things from time to time.
I hope these tips are helpful for other Alzheimer patients, their caregivers, and their friends.
I am trying to deal with my frustrations by reframing my life goals. My diagnosis doesn’t mean I am dying tomorrow. I just have to learn to cope with the changes caused by Alzheimer’s. I am still capable of enjoying life, love, and joy.